i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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