I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
