I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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