Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
