Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize