dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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