is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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