So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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