just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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