***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
