I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
