Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
