Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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