3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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