he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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