I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
