dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize