is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
