I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I need moral support for this bender
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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