YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
