He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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