Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
