Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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