Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
are you so shy because you have an std?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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