That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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