A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
