There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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