your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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