Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
