I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
