Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize