Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My liver just had a heart attack.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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