I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
