Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
