I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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