I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Floor bacon is actually really good
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
