it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
