And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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