just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
