My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
