For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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