just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
