This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What drink are we having for lunch?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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