Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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