Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
