Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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