do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize