Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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