I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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