is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
