So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize