that's an acceptable place to lick
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
