Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize