I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
