i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
