Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
