she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
