I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize