Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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