She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
